just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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