I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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