I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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