Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
