you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
