Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
