I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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