you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
