I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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