At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
