You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize