she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
