pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
