I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
