I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was confusing and full of hummus
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
