hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
