Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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