I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
