i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
