please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
