Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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