Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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