I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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