If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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