I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize