It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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