you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
