I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
