I heard we made out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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