i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize