I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
