I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
