The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
