You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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