I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
