Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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