Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
