Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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