so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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