put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
