yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
