I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
