he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
