Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
