found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
