i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
