So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
