you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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