we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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