I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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