awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
