I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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