His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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