No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
