I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
