chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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