i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
