so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
