it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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