She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
