I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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