The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
