I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
