Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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