Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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