shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
