I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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