i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
