just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
